I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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