im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Do vagina's smell?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
