Just fell off a train. Bad.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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