I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
