my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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