you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
