I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
