I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
you never un-have a 4some
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
