last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
