FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My dick has a subreddit
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
