Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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