my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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