Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
