the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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