So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
