my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
