I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize