Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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