ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
