I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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