Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Come on in and take your pants off
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