my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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