Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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