come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
