We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So many bounce houses so little time
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's official drugs can't kill me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
