I think i peed on brittanys purse
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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