You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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