If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
