He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
