I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
