he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We got so high we made milksteak
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
