So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
