You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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