Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
ttyl tear gas
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
