whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Duck Duck Cougar?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
