i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
