ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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