Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize