i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just had sex on a roof
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
