do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
