:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
