nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
