After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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