My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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