he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
