so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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