She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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