piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
