So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
