Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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