dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
