Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
