so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
