I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
