I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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