I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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