Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
