she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
