someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
