if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
