I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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