why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
