whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
