Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize