I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
