Sponge bath it is.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I have fence marks all over my body
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
