I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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