I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
