I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have fence marks all over my body
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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