Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
