No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
