I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Every concussion has its silver lining
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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