Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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