All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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