I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
