So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
