ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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