Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
