In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
