Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dick very happy bro
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
